I was asked this question yesterday. It took me a few hours of thinking as to why it is that I feel the urge to share my thoughts to you people, out there across the interwebs.
I think one of the main reasons why I do so is to avoid isolation. It’s not like I’m in the middle of Wales with only the birds and the sheep to talk to. Or living in the Cairngorms with only rocks and Scots to look at.
But the sort of isolation I feel is the social kind, the sort that manifests itself in the sort of person that uses the word ‘ manifests’ in everyday conversation. I often feel like I’m the only one of my peers who understands the English language for what it is. Using ‘you and I’ instead of ‘me and you’, the small nuances that change a language. I’ve been called a snob and posh before for speaking the way I do.
I’ve also been ostracised for being a bookworm. Someone who much prefers reading on the school bus than talking about the same football match for a week. Much more of a rugby/cricket sort of person. The fact that my hobby clashes so directly with someone else’s is for some too much, on one occasion about four years ago at school this guy started a fight with me because I was sat reading Inheritance by Christopher Paolini. For anyone that’s wondering an 800 page hardback is a brilliant weapon against those with a thick skull.
On the subject of books I’ve always been shunned for my tastes. My parents who are both bookworms themselves won’t take my taste in fantasy/grimdark seriously due to it being a ‘child’s’ genre. I am at the moment reading Red Storm Rising by Tom Clancy which my dad for years has been pushing on me, telling me to put down my crap and read some proper fiction. Along with that there are the bookshop workers who give you a wide berth when you’re looking through the fantasy section. Those who say I look more like I should be boxing or playing rugby for my stature than reading crap fairy stories. Those who haven’t touched a book since the Hungry Caterpillar and count the TV guide as a good read. So many things I’ll make illegal when I come to power…
I blog because I need to get out of my own head. My mind that is tortured by the need for real friends, that is tortured by losing people I thought cared, tortured by the fact no one will take my tastes seriously.
And to top that all off. The words of my own mother, at a dinner party in front of at least twenty ‘family friends’:
‘If you wait around you’re entire life for someone with the same tastes as you, you’ll be very lonely for a very long time’
This isn’t a post begging for attention. It isn’t a post about me hating my life. Neither is it a post about wanting multiple comments from people offering support (not that that really happens much). It’s a post because I want to blog and because I’ve got a lot of German beer in me.
Sam, feeling shitty